I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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