walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
