her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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