u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
