she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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