You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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