God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
