couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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