I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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