I want to stick my p in your. b.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
