So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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