At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
