guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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