I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
