I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
