He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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