We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
