dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
