saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
