In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
