Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
