you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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