You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
