I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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