I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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