I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
