When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
