Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
