why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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