you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
