Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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