Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
