he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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