how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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