I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
