She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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