I skipped work to stalk him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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