I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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