You're a womanizer and a bitch.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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