Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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