$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
