Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
