I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
