either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
