I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
