I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
