I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
