it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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