How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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