I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
