at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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