i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
